In this uncertain time, I’ve been thinking, or rather, doing some introspection, what is going on with this world?
I come from a place where most of us, or to be honest, few of us, actually think about our fellow man. Am I crazy, or do I belong to some other long-forgotten time? Was I born in the wrong era, or what is happening?
My life philosophy is simple: do at least one good deed a day. Quite often, I ask people, “Are you the best version of yourself?” And then I ask myself, am I the best version of myself? I don’t know, but I sure as hell try.
Still, I ask myself: Is my compass adjusted wrong? Am I living an illusion, an illusion where doing good is wrong, where asking people if they’re okay is wrong, where calling people just to see how they are, is wrong?
Recently, I participated in a research study where I called a lot of people 3,800 to be exact. A big number, I know. What I summed up is that many of them were unsatisfied in different ways. The research was local only Montenegro and most people I spoke to were hungry for a conversation, especially older people. The calls were supposed to last about 7–8 minutes, but most lasted 25+ minutes. Why do you think that is?
Some people outright asked me to call them again because they hadn’t enjoyed a conversation like that in a long time. Believe me, our conversations were simple, everyday life things.
Some of my friends say I have the gift of gab (the term “gift of gab” means having a natural talent for speaking fluently, confidently, and persuasively „compliments of ChatGPT“). I honestly don’t see it, but I’ll leave that to you, my dear reader.
Lately, I’ve been speaking with one of my childhood friends, who also happens to be my cousin so this writing is dedicated to you, Vinnie.
We had such a nice conversation today that I asked myself why we don’t do this kind of stuff more often. I don’t know if it’s my studies of human behavior, or my upbringing in the presence of saints such as my mom, or all the other saints I’ve encountered in my short life in this realm… or if it’s that I belong to the “Valar” caste, for those of us who love *The Lord of the Rings*. (To clarify for those who aren’t versed in J. R. R. Tolkien’s writing: the Valar are the “angelic powers” or “gods” in Middle-earth, subordinate to the one God, who enter the world after the Music of the Ainur to shape its development.)
Do I have a purpose in this wicked world? Is my vision from my NDE, on that unfortunate day, February 10, 1995—telling me that I wasn’t ready to move to the other realm, that my learning has to continue, and that I have a greater purpose than moving on (dying)? It has been 30 years since then. My life wasn’t easy, I tell you, but I did okay for a peasant from the Cursed Mountains.
As most of you know, I am a Gemini and not a saint in any form of that holy calling. I’ve been on both sides and learned to accept myself as a sinner and as a do-gooder. I go to bed with one thought in my mind: “Have I been a good person today?” If yes, good. If not, let me try to be better tomorrow.
My stay here is predetermined, so I have no say in it, but I educate myself as I go, always asking: Am I doing the max I can? Probably not, but I’m always working on it and trying to be the best I can.
It’s not an easy job in an interest-driven society where we are the outliers and don’t fit the common belief that one has to do whatever it takes to accomplish their own goals. The interesting thing is that the minute you point that out, they immediately play the injustice card. ( You are endangering us.)
So, let’s see how this works in today’s time. I am a person with a disability. I use a wheelchair to get around. I am of Albanian nationality, and I am Roman Catholic. When I go around, most people look at me, and I can see it in their eyes: they feel sorry for me, or in some cases: Why is he out? He should be home, hidden away from society.
That is a fascist thought, that is, unfortunately, common in my part of the world: disabled people shouldn’t be alive; they can’t be productive members of society. That is their train of thought. You, my dear reader, will probably be disgusted by it, but it is the truth.
One might think this is a minority that thinks like this, but you’d be wrong. Ask any disabled person, and they will tell you.
I am a proponent of positive psychology, and I believe that we should build our resiliency to the maximum of our abilities.
I recently watched the movie “The Revenant” with Leonardo DiCaprio. I highly recommend it. The word itself has a few meanings; one of my favorites is: “a person who comes back from the dead, a returning ghost or spirit.” The movie goes through a real show of resiliency, I mean real endurance, and some serious resilience.
The movie ends with one very powerful message: “Revenge is in God’s hands, not mine.”
So, my dear reader, you’ve been with me on this journey called life. I shared some of my views with you, whether backed by science or just life itself. I’ve been on this journey for some time, and I reckon it will last for some more time.
I am constantly checking myself and doing some introspection (introspection is the process of looking inward to observe and reflect on your own thoughts, feelings, and mental experiences). I am still learning and still make mistakes, to be honest, I make mistakes quite often, and more than I would like, but I guess the process of learning is such.
I recently learned that trusting the wrong person is the same as biting a bear in the ass: you’re bound to get hurt. But one should always know not to bite the bear in the ass, right? Wrong. We know that, but we continue to do the wrong thing.
I think this is an example of projecting (in psychology, projection is a defense mechanism where a person attributes their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or motives to someone else). Who is to say that we don’t project our own goodness onto others, and sometimes believe, with absolutely no chance in hell of happening, that some people will change for the better?
Well, you’re bound to learn a lot, like me, that this is a flaw in our thinking, and that some people will never change. So, beware of that. Give them an ear and some of your precious time, but do not think that change is on their mind, it is not.
Be honest with yourself, for every rotten apple there are ten good ones, so they are insignificant in every sense of statistical calculation. One wise saying from my mom comes to mind, “Forgive them for they don’t know any better.” So, I forgive you all, but. Yes, there is a but, I will waste no time of mine in this matter no more.
I remain the light in the dark times for all of my dear friends and family. Please read the whole sentence, not just what you like, and understand it as it is written, not the way you would like it to be. This is my realm; you make your own.
In this cold time, I wish you warmth, with people who complete you in your presence, may the sun always shine upon you, and may the wind be at your back.
